Wuthering Heights

Wuthering Heights is one of those books I have always struggled with. I think I have read it two or three times but I never seem to get much enjoyment from it. I have no sympathy Catherine. I think she is a spoiled child that toys with people's emotions. She is just not nice. And Heathcliff, well I have a bit more time for him because I know he was treated badly as a child but he is so mean to Cathy and Hareton (the only two characters I think I actually like in the novel). So I know Catherine and Heathcliff has this amazing love for each other, a love that transcends death or something but what the heck? They are horrible people and I don't get why I should celebrate their love for each other.

I've read several commentaries as I try to convince myself that this book is worth my time and my admiration (not that I am some elitist book critic). I've read that their only redeeming qualities are their love for each other because their love is so all-encompassing and beautiful. (And yes this was in Eclipse which I know is not some book about literary criticism but it's what brought up this whole Wuthering Heights thing for me again). But these characters are so selfish and their love is selfish. How does that possibly make them better people? Is it just because they are simply capable of love and willing to do anything for each other? Even Edward Cullen and Bella Swain could not convince me.

Another way I have tried to like Wuthering Heights better is by watching various adaptations of it. Even still I have no sympathy with the characters even when Ralph Fiennes or Laurence Olivier is playing Heathcliff. I still don't get it! I like gothic romances as much as the next person. In fact Victorian gothic literature is slowly becoming one of my favourite areas of literature because of the various layers to the novels.

I'm currently watching a modern adaptation called Sparkhouse and it is totally brilliant. The gender of the Heathcliff and Catherine characters has changed, and because of the various back stories I actually feel something for these characters. (Oh and Richard Armitage is in which is how I found the series but he is not a lead. He still smoulders even as a farmhand). Anyways I believe in Carol and Andrew's (weird, those are my in-laws names!) love and I want them to be reunited eventually, even if it is in death a la Wuthering Heights. I love the idea that their love transcends the hurt of the past.

So why is it that I like this story better than the freakin' book? What the heck am I missing? I know I am a romantic at heart so why do I not feel anything for what is supposedly the most romantic novels in literature?

I'll probably just read it again.

I am seriously 14...

I've always known I'm not the most mature person in the world but I seriously think I have the soul/brain/personality of a 14-year-old. Here are some examples:

• I develop random crushes for no reason at all, albeit they tend to be on celebrities of some degree (Toby Stephens, Richard Armitage, Hugh Jackman to name but a few in recent years...) Now I haven't had a proper crush on someone actually in my life since I met my husband six years ago but I take that as a good thing. Mind you there have been one or two people I have met that I 'fancied' a bit but these little crushes have been like passing thoughts if anything.
• I love boybands, I mean LOVE boybands. My first boyband love was New Kids On The Block. Oh dear, I love them still. I saw them three times when I was nine and I saw them recently at the MEN arena in Manchester. My long suffering husband went with me. And it was such a fun night. I giggled, I whooped and I danced and it was great. I spoke to all these other twenty and thirtysomethings about our fave boys, mine is Jordan and I felt totally at home, like I was with my people or something. Now my other boyband loves include JC of *Nsync who I seriously thought I was supposed to marry as a college student and would argue with anyone who suggested I was delusional. And to a lessser degree Nick Carter of Backstreet Boys. Am I sad? I just think I really like boybands
• And Britney Spears :-)
• And American Idol/X Factor
• And pretty much any pop music aimed at teens. (I haven't gotten into Miley Cyrus but there is still time.)

So that brings me to my latest discovery. I was at work today, a proper newspaper job mind you, and I was talking to the work experience girl named Poppy, what a wonderful name that is. She is 15, nice girl. She sees the book I am reading, Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer.

Let me digress - I am infatuated/in love/obsessed with the Twilight book series at the moment. That in itself probably shows my general maturity level. Basically I am reading book three and I have only been reading the series for nine days, some of which I was on vacation with my husband in Prague during. I find myself pining for the chance to read the book at work when I am suffering from writer's block.

I love Edward Cullen despite him being a 17-year-old fictional vampire. (Does that make me a peado since I am 28?) I won't go into too many details about the series but I love them and I am kicking myself for not reading the books before the movie was released in December. I missed it! I missed it in the theatre! Grrrrr...

So back to me and Poppy - I tell her how much I am enjoying the series and she says does too.
'Have you seen the movie?' I ask.
'Yes it is really good.' She says.
I say, 'I am really sad I missed it in the theatre.'
'It was good but what I really liked about it is Robert Pattinson.' (For those who don't know, he plays vampire Edward Cullen. PS - I so had to look up the spelling of his name before I put it in this.)
'Yes,' I say.
'You know he is Cedric in Harry Potter,' she asks.
'Yes,' I say. 'I was so sad when he died because he was so cute in the movie.'
'I know,' she said and that ends our conversation.
Now none of my work colleagues are in this conversation other than to ask what Twilight is. As soon as they learn, they get all busy with work again like it is some inconsequential thing. I want to order them to read Twilight but I stop myself.

Now is it bad that I am obsessed with teenage vampire fiction? Is it bad that I know who Robert Pattinson is and I can have a talk with a teenager about him? Is it wrong that my husband has warned me that I have an exam to study for on Friday and should not be distracting myself with vampire fiction? The fact I am procrastinating the way I am just reaffirms how immature I totally am.

I don't know if this just who I am, this weird person that develops regular infatuations like a teenager. Or maybe I am seriously 14 and that's it. Maybe I will never be an adult.

My first blog on Never Been Kissed

I am brand new to this blogging thing although I have been doing it on MySpace and Facebook in some format for years but I figured it was about time as I have lots of randomness I felt I needed to share with the world and I think my husband, family and friends will appreciate me having a space for this.

I am watching Never Been Kissed for the millionth time. I love this movie. It's not super brilliant but for whatever reason I connect with it. For the longest time I thought I would be a 25-year-0ld journalist who had never been kissed. I was convinced in college that would be my lot in life. Why was I so worried about that? I don't know but it was a really big deal to me.

High school was not the best time in my life. I was not comfertable with who I was and what I wanted from life. I think reliving that terrifys me. I have nightmares about high school whenever I really anxious about something happening in my life. I guess that is how subconsciously connect with my insecurities. Isn't it weird how our minds connect with that?

And the kissing bit? Well I did not find myself in Josie's position as life would have it. But still it is weird how worried I was about all of it. I still don't know why that was so important to me and really why it still is to some extent.